The Journey to Forgiveness

My daughter suffers from FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome). At this point in her life, she neither knows about this diagnosis nor would even be able to understand it. Though I understand the unfortunate effects this has on her mental and physical abilities, I still struggle with why this had to happen to her.

As a bit of background, we adopted our daughter from Estonia, where she spent her first six years of life in an orphanage in the southern part of that country. She was born prematurely, at around 32 weeks gestation. After coming to the orphanage, as far as we know, she received only one visit from a relative, her grandmother, just a few months after coming to live there.

I’m angry…Angry that a mother would subject her unborn child to a drug that causes more damage to people and families than any other in the entire world. Angry that a life was unalterably changed before it had barely even begun. Angry that my family is now afflicted with the issues that inevitably result from FAS.

Don’t get me wrong. I am immeasurably blessed by God. I am certain, through His providence, that we were led to adopt our daughter and that He has a plan and special blessings in store for us. But that doesn’t take away the pain and heartache that has occurred in our lives as a result of one birthmother’s choice, now nearly eleven years ago.

I’m thankful that our daughter’s birthmother saw fit to give up her child, to let someone else take care of her until we were able to adopt her. I still struggle with why she would consume enough alcohol and damage her own daughter in the process. Maybe I’ll never understand it. I just hope I’m someday able to forgive her for it. This journey to forgiveness is a hard process but God never said it would be easy.